I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
