dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
