He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
