i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize