watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
