Say something about gay babies.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
