I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize