HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
