It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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