She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize