We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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