I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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