hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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