A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
