He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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