I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
