Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
