I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
