At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I will pee on everything he values.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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