Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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