sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
