I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
