If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
