and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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