We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
