This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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