Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
