So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
