I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
