you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize