I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
