At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
