Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
