Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
