um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize