my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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