Your face is a jimmy john
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
