Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
