So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
