is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
