I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
