just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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