Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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