Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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