Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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