Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
