This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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