Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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