My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
