first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
