he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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