"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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