she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
