Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my shit smells like andre
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
