I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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