Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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