she looked like the before picture.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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