jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
