PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
