It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
