you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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