last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
