I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
