C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
