It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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