Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
