Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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