he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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