i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
