if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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