I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
